<![CDATA[NEW PERCEPTIONS PSYCHOTHERAPY

"When you are going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill
We all want the first exit out of pain. We often search for the quickest and easiest path. Our fast-paced world is often characterized by quick results and instant gratification. We live on the internet highway with information at our fingertips and we want the quick fixes, often at the cost of common sense, contemplation, and self reflection. But what if life, change, growth and healing resembles more of a marathon than a sprint? There is more to running and healing our wounds than reaching the finish line in record time. What if we got curious about the journey itself and our ability to weather the storms and various routes we take? Whether you are running a marathon, leaving a toxic relationship, interviewing for your dream job, or recovering from burnout, addiction or a traumatic loss, the journey takes time. We all have personal expectations for moving from wounds to wellness. Our expectations can be too fast or too slow, just like our running paces. The goldilocks principle refers to the concept of seeking “just the right” amount of something. In general, it means finding the optimal balance.

If you are going through hell, keep on moving. It takes strength and courage to keep moving. Forward is a pace, no matter how long it takes. A marathon runner is defined not just by the starting line but also by the strength they summon to cross the finish line. In life, we encounter hell, obstacles, setbacks, and moments of exhaustion. This is where perseverance comes into play. It's the ability to keep going despite difficulties and disappointments. But this does not mean we push ourselves to the point of exhaustion, burn-out, overwhelm, injury and disease. It’s so important to listen to our bodies. What is your good enough? Is it 93%? Is it 75%? What reserve do you need to leave in your tank for other life roles? Your good enough is just right for you. Perfection does not exist, and we run ourselves ragged trying to obtain perfection. Find your “just right” pace, and always remember the goldilocks principle.

Just like in a marathon, some of the most valuable experiences occur just before the finish line. I recently ran my 5th marathon. I had to push past the fear of injury that is always present for me. This fear usually keeps me at a hard but controlled pace. But this time was different. I really wanted to improve my time and put my old knee injury to the test. I had to move my “just right” dial from 90% to 95%. If you listen to your intuition, and know your WHY, you will know when it’s OK to do this. (Maybe my next time will be 100% ).

It is easy to look at everyone who is “ahead of you” in running, career and personal life and feel bad about yourself especially when you see everyone’s highlight reels on social media. Most of it is not real. Comparison only draws out negatives. Comparison is the thief of joy. I can recall many times when I got passed in the beginning of a marathon, or early in my career goals, only to catch those people with less than 5k to the finish line or reach my targets at a later age. So, just because someone is ahead of you now, does not mean you are destined to fail. Go your own pace. None of this really matters anyhow because the race is in our minds. Enjoy the journey, embrace the process because that is where presence and joy live. The joy is not always in the result.

A marathon spans 42.2 kilometers of various ups and downs. Similarly, life is a marathon with difficult terrain, ruptures and repairs that take time to heal. Often, it is not the destination that holds the real, true beautiful value, but the small precious moments we experience along the way. If we are too focused on the result, we miss the power of the journey. Just like in a marathon, we should focus on appreciating and enjoying the journey, rather than fixating solely on the end goal.

A marathon is a physical and mental challenge. Life is a combination of physical, emotional, and mental exertions. It is a love-hate relationship. You must keep going when things feel tough. Embracing discomfort, learning from mistakes, and adapting to changes are essential skills that accompany us on life's long journey. By learning to accept the process, the marathon of life becomes less burdensome and more fulfilling.
Improvement, growth, and healing takes time. You can’t expect to go from a 5-hour marathon to a sub-3-hour marathon in one short training cycle. Every training cycle ultimately becomes the building block for the next training cycle. Whatever change you want to make in your life will take time. Every step you take is a positive step forward. Whether it is leaving that toxic relationship, or the job you hate, it will take time. It will not happen immediately, but I promise you that it will happen over time if you take the right steps to make it happen.

In a world of instant results, the marathon reminds us that life is a process. It requires patience, endurance, and the willingness to face challenges. The perseverance we cultivate throughout life shapes our character, strengthens our resilience, and gives meaning to our journey. So, the next time you encounter an obstacle, remember: Life is not a sprint but a marathon, and the true magic lies in the act of moving forward.

Here is where I add caution and perspective to my own sports metaphor. If you are running a marathon you want to leave it all on the field. But this is a sports metaphor and does not really apply to all things in life. If you are fully depleted, what are the standards you are holding yourself too? Perfectionism is not attainable. It is important to have a good enough standing. Like a towel that has been mostly rung out. How many reps in the tank do you have left? It’s OK to leave a couple of reps in the tank. For example, the idea that 95% is what I can maintain today, and the next day, the next month, and the next year. What is your internal model of accomplishment that still lets you have a couple of reps in the reserve? Apply the goldilocks principle by taking a deeper look inside yourself.

We all have two parts of our personality, that I like to call the Inner Critic and the Inner Nurturer. The Inner Critic says “DO More… Do More.” The Critic might say “Do it again tomorrow!” You cannot do 100% all the time and not burn out. We have other personality parts that are more like our caring committee, much like a good coach, saying “You can do more” or “Wow you have really done a lot.” Pay attention to your Inner Nurturer. Come clear about the distinction between these parts of yourself. We can have lofty standards not just for results but for process as well. What does it mean to do your best in the process? The questions I ask myself to find my goldilocks place is:
1) Did I bring my heart to it? Did I have courage?
2) Did I make reasonable effect? How would I judge a dear friend? (What is a reasonable effort. We usually know if we phoned it in our we gave it our all).
3) Did I learn along the way? Was I paying attention? Did I receive input?

You can apply these values and questions to a day, or frankly to a life. As I have gotten older and older, I can say that I am still learning along the way and adjusting my pace as I go. It is crucial to recognize the interconnectedness of physical, emotional, and mental health. The parallels between marathon training and life offer valuable insights into the importance of developing coping strategies and cultivating resilience in the face of adversity. By embracing the process and viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth, individuals can better navigate the ups and downs of life's marathon.

You didn't get this far to only go this far.